Dreams and Goals

When I write a post I always spend a few days planning it, really thinking about what I want to write and how to word it. I have a notebook that I write all my ideas down into and plan and plan before I finally write the blog post. This post is probably one of the hardest posts I have ever had to write, it is really hard to think about your dreams and goals especially if you don’t want to concentrate on the material things.

  1. Be happy. That is pretty much my main aim in life. I just want to be happy in everything that I do. I want to radiate happiness from me. I want to be in a happy relationship, I want to wake up in the morning and look forward to the day, I want to be happy in my job, happy with everything is the main goal.
  2. To love and be loved. I want to find someone that I can give my everything to, somebody that I want to tell about my day whether its good or bad. I want to make someone happy, make them feel like nobody else matters in the world just them. I want a good relationship where it feels like its just us in the whole world. I don’t want a relationship that revolves around no trust, no honesty and hatred. I want someone to look at their phone and feel happy not miserable when they see my name pop up. I just want to find someone that I can love and somebody that loves me back.
  3. To finally graduate from university. It’s been a long time coming but hopefully in 2019 I will finally be graduating from university. I should be graduating this year but unfortunately life gets in the way and it doesn’t always work out as planned (something that I have learnt). This will also help me to achieve my goal of being happy, I will finally be working the job that I have wanted to do ever since I can remember.
  4. To be financially stable. I don’t mean to be super super rich, I would just like to have enough money to survive and to enjoy my life. I would never want my children to want for anything and I would never want to be barely getting by so financial stability is very important for me. I would also like to be able to repay for my mum for everything she has ever done for me.

I think they are my main goals and dreams, they’re boring and very basic I know but all very important to me.



My Music Playlist

I am one of them people that cannot live without music, there is not a day that goes by when I don’t have my earphones in, music turned up loud forgetting everything in the world. I have put together a list of my favourite 20 songs at the moment (although they do change on a daily basis).

  1. SUBEME LA RADIO (Remix)- Enrique Iglesias Feat. Sean Paul & Matt Terry
  2. Unsigned- Hardy Caprio Feat. One Acen
  3. Wild Thoughts- DJ Khaled Feat Rihanna & Bryson Tiller
  4. Summer Bummer- Lana Del Rey Feat. A$AP Rocky & Playboi Carti
  5. Sorry Not Sorry- Demi Lovato
  6. Back To You- Louis Tomlinson Feat. Bebe Rexha & Digital Farm Animals
  7. Bestie- Yugen Feat, Yxng Bane
  8. It Aint Me- Kygo & Selena Gomez
  9. Signs- Drake
  10. Out Of Love- INDIA Feat. Whitney Phillips
  11. Sun Comes Up- Rudimental Feat. James Arthur
  12. Despacito (Remix)- Luis Fonsi & Daddy Yankee Feat. Justin Beiber
  13. Feels- Calvin Harris Feat. Pharrell Williams, Katy Perry & Big Sean
  14. Came Here For Love- Sigala & Ella Eyre
  15. Bad Liar- Selena Gomez
  16. Your Song- Rita Ora
  17. Strip That Down- Liam Payne Feat. Quavo
  18. Crying In The Club- Camila Cabello
  19. Power- Little Mix Feat. Stormzy
  20. Mississippi- Zara Larsson


Night Time Routine

If you follow my posts then you will be aware that I recently posted about my morning skin care routine, my night time routine is not much different to be fair. I am terrible at remembering to take my make up off especially after a long day on the ward, I think as long as you remember to take your make up so your skin can breathe then it doesn’t matter too much about the rest of your routine.

I always start off by removing my eye make up. I use a benefit mascara that is so stubborn so I use Nivea Double Effect Eye Make Up Remover at £2.72 (usual price £3.89) from Boots currently in the sale. It is so gentle on your eyelashes and removes all traces of eye make up.

Next I use Garnier Micellar Water currently £3.29 in Superdrug to remove the rest of my makeup. I find that micellar water is not as harsh as using makeup remover wipes and leaves my skin feeling nourished and smooth.

After I have removed my makeup I cleanse my skin using the L’Oreal Paris Fine Flowers Cleansing Milk which is currently £3.99 in Boots at the moment! I love this product so much, not only does it smell amazing but it leaves your skin feeling so soft!

I then follow on with the L’Oreal Paris Fine Flowers Toner which is currently £3.99 in Superdrug. Again it smells amazing, smooths skin and leaves it looking and feeling nourished.

I will then use a night time moisturiser, I am currently using the Nivea Regenerating Night Cream which is £4.05 in Superdrug. I find that it hydrates my skin, leaves it feeling soft and doesnt feel tacky on my skin like some other moisturisers that I have used in the past.



Morning Routine

I am very lucky that I have quite good skin, I dont often have breakouts and my skin is never dry. Up until now the only thing I ever used to do was remove my makeup at night and moisturise. As I have got older I am more aware of how important it is to look after your skin and therefore I now have an extensive morning skin care routine. It seems like a lot but in all honestly it only adds about five minutes onto me getting ready.

First of all I start off with a cleanser. I use L’Oreal Fine Flowers Cleansing Milk, its only £3.99 at the moment in Superdrug and smells amazing. It is aimed at those with dry skin and leaves your skin feeling and looking extremely soft and smooth.

Next I use a toner. I use the L’Oreal Fine Flowers Toner, its on sale in Superdrug at the moment for £3.99. It’s rose and jasmine blend helps to sooth, protect and moisturise the skin which leaves it feeling softer and smoother. Ive found that since using this combined with the cleansing milk my skin is looking much more healither and brighter- so much so that I often spend days without makeup on now.

The next stage of my morning routine is a serum. My favourite one is the L’Oral Skin Perfection Advanced Correcting Serum. Its slightly pricey at £11.99 (still not as expensive at some of the other serums on the market but works just as well!) I have found that this serum has improved the quality of skin and has helped to brighten it, something that used to bother me was how dull my skin looks soI recommend this serum if youre having the same issues!

After serum I used a eye cream. As I am studying, working and on placement as well as balancing a social life I find that the skin around my eyes can become very dull and I end up with dark circles from the lack of sleep (especially around exam time!) I am currently using L’Oreal Skin Perfection Correcting Eye Cream and I am so impressed with it! It helps to conceal the dark circles, reduces the bags under my eyes and makes my eyes pop rather than them loking sucken and tired! at £4.99 from beauty base.com it is such a bargain!

The final part of my every day skin care routine is a good moisturiser. As you can tell buy now I love L’Oreal products as I think they are such good value for money. For the day time I use L’Oreal Skin Perfection Correcting Day Moisturise. It is currently £10.49 in Superdrug but so worth it! Not only does it leave your face looking smoother, it helps to even the skin tone and leaves your face feeling amazing! I love moisturiser and find that some leave your face feeling tacky afterwards but this dries without feeling like your face is really sticky (which is probably my favourite quality about this day moisturiser!)

So there is my every day morning routine for you!

I like to exfoliate once a week and I use face masks every two weeks to help improve the texture and visability of my skin.

I hope you have all enjoyed! If you have any recommendations I would be so grateful as I am always looking for products to try!


Pray for Manchester

I just wanted to take the opportunity to express how heartbroken I am after the events that took place at the Ariana Grande concernt last night in Manchester.

I do not personally know anybody that has been affected but that does not mean I am sad for those who were involved. I pray that the death toll does not rise any more and that those missing are reunited with their families alive and well as soon as possible.

Those who are fighting for their lives in hospitals I pray for you all to recover, to stay strong and keep on fighting.

For those families who are sitting by their loved ones sides in those hospital beds, I pray that you keep strong and know we are all thinking of you at the god awful time.

I pray that those who have lost their lives died having had the best night of their lives, nobody deserves to go to a concert and not come home.

For those families that have lost loved ones, know you have the whole worlds love and support and we pray for you at this awful time.

For the emergency services and other public services that ran towards the danager whilst others were running away, we salute you! You have the bravery and courage that saved so many people’s lives. As a country we cannot thank you enough for working over time to ensure all services were avilable to those who needed it and are currently needing it.

I pray for Ariana who released a statement saying she was broken and sorry. This was not her fault. All she wanted was to share her music with her fans, and her fans to enjoy themselves and have a good night. She provided them with that, many of them fans had the time of their lives and it was all thank to her. What an awful thing that she felt she had to apologise.

And to the people of Manchester I pray you do not stop fighting. I pray you do not live in fear after this. I pray you pull together as a community and you show these cowardly individuals that you are not afraid, we are not afraid. I have heard so many stories of how strong the people of Manchester have been, from Taxi’s turning the meters off last night and giving free lifts, to NHS workers going into work off shift to help out, to hotels taking in the young who have lost their families, to the homeless helping care for the wounded, you are all so brave and as a community you are showing the world and the organisation behind this attack that you are not afraid.

I saw a quote today and it has really stuck with me:

we live on such a beautiful planet but in such an ugly world


10 Things I Could Not Live Without

I don’t think I need much in life to be happy but there are certainly a few things/people that I could 100% not be without or be the same me without.

  1. My phone – I know this is so bad but unfortnately we are living a world where technology is taking over and I am one of them people that has a panic attack if I leave my phone at home or the battery dies when I am out. I just love being able to know I can get help if I need it, I can communicate with people easily and when Im bored or in an awkward situation I have a get out card!
  2. My family – That obviously goes without saying. I am really lucky to have such a close family. My mum is more like a best friend and I see my grandparents on a regular basis (pretty much every day). They keep me grounded, help me to remain focus and always pick up the pieces when I make bad decisions. I could not imagine myself moving far away from my mum, I always picture myself in the same village or town because I think otherwise I would end up with seperation anxiety!
  3. My friends – This mainly is linked to my best friend Emma because I honestly dont know where I would be without her. She has been there for me through everything and I could not thank her enough for everything. There probably isnt a day where I dont speak to her, she brightens up my world and shes giving me a lovely little godson in October! Obviously my other friends are just as important, those that I speak to pretty much every day and those that I maybe dont speak to as much as I used to. They have all at some point supported me through some dark times and have given me the best years ever whilst growing up.
  4. Sydney – for those of you that do not know, Sydney is my little 10 month old French Bulldog. He pretty much saved me when I was at my lowest point, he came into my world and although hes a naughty little pup he has made everything so much better. I cant imagine a life without his little fat face now.
  5. Moisturiser – What girl can live without this? Its got to be my favourite beauty product ever! I literally have about 10 different moisturisers.
  6. My car – Since learning to drive I have become the laziest person in the whole world and I cannot remember the last time I took the 10 minute walk to the shop up the road (why would I when I could be there and back in that time?). (I am also starting to realise that I am probably coming across as very materalistic but im not.. I promise!)
  7. Double effect eye make up remover – I cannot tell you how many times this has saved my life! I am a huge fan of benefit’s they’re real! mascara and if youve tried it then you know there is nothing that will make it budge but this eye make up remover is incredible! It gets all type of eye make off and it doesnt burn or leave your lashes matted together!
  8. Benefit They’re real! mascara – ^^ mentioned above it is my favourite mascara ever. I literally have a shortest lashes in the world so its important to me that I have a good mascara that gives me lashes! well this mascara makes me look like a false lashes on, its amazing and stays on forever!
  9. Kindle – I love reading and it got the point where buying books was a no anymore because I was starting to run of room for them all. My stepdad brought me a kindle for christmas its one of the best things that someone has ever brought for me. I take it every where with me just in case I get bored. The battery life is great and I can escape the world whilst on my way to university and on my lunch breaks.
  10. Vogue – I love fashion- I love wearing it, I love looking at it, I love reading about it. Vogue is my favourite monthly read. A lot of people ask me why I buy it because theyre convinced its just full of pictures.. but its the pictures I love it. Its fashion as its best!!


Mental Health Awareness Week

As some of you may know its Mental health awareness Week. According to a survey conducted by mentalhealth.org nearly two-thirds of people say they have experienced a meantal health problemthey also found that 4 in 10 people say they have experienced depression and that over 1/4 of people have experienced panic attacks. The world health organization have discovered 1 in 4 people in the world will be affected by mental or neurological disorders at some point in their lives.

I am apart of these statistics, Ive experienced both depression and panic attacks on a daily basis. Im not sure exactly when the pinpoint moment was that it all started or what even started my downwards spiral.. it just crept up on me and before I knew it I was giving up on the things I loved because I couldnt be bothered anymore or because my anxiety was so intense I couldnt bring myself to do them.

I think the contributing factors for my mental health problems was money stresses and illhealth.. it was like a big vicious circle that I couldnt get out. Being a university student money gets tough but when you have to intermit due to illhealth and not recieve your loans and not being able to work to make money it gets even tougher. Eventually my physical health became stable enough for me to return back to work but then because I needed the money I was working constantly and putting my body under stress which in turn resulted in me becoming very ill again.. yep you got it, more time off work getting the minimum statutory sick pay. I am pretty sure that is the starting point but I cannot be sure.

I headed back to university and started my placement on a day surgery unit. I loved this placement so much and found it so interesting. For a while it seemed to improve my mental health because I was doing something that I was enjoying and then slowly I found that I was having panic attacks more regularly, I was struggling getting out of bed and I had completely lost my appetite. I started to make up excuses to my family, blaming my lack of eating on feeling unwell. I would hide my panic attacks and would find myself crying myself to sleep at night.. that was when I could actually sleep of course. It was like my mind would never shut off, I was overthinking everything in my life and making up bad situations in my head that didnt exsist in real life.

After a few weeks at my placement I found it was impossible to bring myself to go into the building, I would drive into the car park and have panic attacks at the thought of having to be around people for 13 hours and having to pretend that I was happy. Working them long shifts was tiring enough but when you have to put on a brave face and act like youre not wanting to cry and shout is exhausting. I found that placement was also starting to affect my self-esteem. Seeing other student nurses learning and coping with it all seemed so unfair and made me feel like I was failure for not coping as well as they were. So I stopped going, started to lie to my family.. “oh they sent me home early”, “I dont feel very well”, “my mentor isnt in today so they sent me home”. I didnt want my family to know how down I was, they were all so proud of what I was achieving at university and proud of how well I was doing that I felt guilty for not coping as well as they thought I was.  I stopped all contact with my placement, didnt tell them that I was struggling and ignored all contact from my university.

When the time come I stupidly forged my mentors signiture. I know how wrong this was but I was so scared that I would get into trouble for not attending placement, scared of having to face the way I was feeling and scared that I would lose my place at university. Ive always wanted to be a nurse, everything I have ever done is to help me qualify to become a nurse so the thought of losing it all was terrifying. Obviously, signing someones signiture is a serious offence and it almost cost me my place at university.. luckily they were understanding. It was due to these actions I was forced to open up about my mental health. I guess its right when people say they dont want to open up because of the stigma that is linked to having depression.. nurses are suppose to be able to cope with everything that is thrown their way arent they, so what sort of nurse would I be if I couldnt cope as a student?

I told my university about everything, I told my family and visited the doctors for support. I was put on a number of different antidepressants, some made me feel worse and I would think about self harm and sucide but evntually they found the right tablets for me. I am now taking sertraline which has helped me feel a lot better, I opted not to attend counciloring sessions because opening up is something that I really struggle with. I felt that with the support of my family and the university I have made positive movements. Obviously there are still days when I feel down and drained and have the odd panic attack but they are not as often now and if I am feeling down I know there are people around me that I can talk to. I know I am not alone, and thats why I have decided to open up to you all about my experience so if youre struggling you too will know that you are not alone.